First, it was the band issue. I gave in, for the first time in my life.

Next, it was the school issue. Giving in once made me extremely vulnerable and I gave in yet again.

Then, it was the homework and studying issue. I lost my drive.

Finally, to conclude the "Ruin Ying Hui" effect came the virus. My beloved baby caught a virus and died.

Can you imagine how depressed I am right now? I even lost the drive to live. I just want to sit here crying all night and day until I expire. I love how this blog is public, yet obscure. I can share how I feel with people who want to know and yet keep this from most other people's eyes.

I AM A TOTAL WRECK NOW. I don't know exactly how I'm going to pick myself up again and live life normally like nothing happened. I need a break from my ultra-eventful life, I really do. I can't do this anymore. I have so much to do, yet so little time. And I really have no more strength to push on. I really want to give up now. Give up on everything, give up on life. It's just not myself to be able to give up easily, but I had to do that so many times this year, it already seems second nature to me. I want this to end. Really. I thought life would change. It did. It got so much worse. I really regret the first time I gave in. I'm losing hope on life. There's nothing really, that can make me go on already. I lost too much. You know those stories people always tell me when I think of giving up? Those stories in which the characters are so much worse off than me? It's not going to work anymore. They are not going through the same thing as me, no matter how much more they suffer. Everybody's case is different and in my case, I'm too much of an emotional wreck now to be able to live on normally.

What's with life? Maybe if it's not getting better, I should give up on it too.