Have I made the right decision? I was so happy the first few moments I set my mind, but then, I realised with horror, that there are so many things I'm thinking about. I know I should have moved on already, not think about it anymore. What's done is done! Why can't I stop thinking? I really can't stand myself sometimes. I know what I'm thinking about and there's no need to further elaborate. I feel lonely already. Just a few weeks fresh out of 'prison' and I'm feeling lonely. I'm supposed to be free, be happier, but I realised with great horror, what exactly I was missing. It hurts so deeply even now, because by making the decision, I am actually diminishing my chance of getting what I want. I also had to give up something I love in the process. So is this doing me any better?

I think I'll have to learn the hard way. I'll have to push myself through this immense suffering and learn to move on, but should I? Because there may still be a feeble chance, no matter how small it is, it's still a chance. Never give up, I say. Believe the impossible. But it's so hard to fulfill my life and believe at the same time. I guess that's why so many adults lose the ability to believe. They get tired of balancing. They just lose hope completely and move on, supposedly to greener pastures. But it's different for me. I don't want to lose this innocence. I feel so innocent. It's like any other similar experience later in life would not be so pure, so clean anymore.

Oh great. I sound as though I'm facing some growing up pains, but I AM. I don't want to grow up, I don't want to move on. The little things that make me smile, they won't be there anymore. New faces, new people, not again.

This may sound weird, but I think this whole issue of transferring out is giving me depression. I've had issues, experienced trauma when I was a little kid, so I think it's not going to be an easy transition for me. It never was, and never will be. I need to talk to someone about this. I need to solve this issue quick. I don't want to be stuck in a trap anymore.