~J'adore la Musique~

Sunday, April 11, 2010

\\*Retired*//

I'm officially relieved as a band member. I didn't know it would be that hard to leave. The only thing on my mind days before was "Yay". It nearly turned emotional for me. But it didn't. I miss my juniors a lot already. Juniors, if you are reading, you are the best juniors anyone can hope for. Thanks for lifting my mood when things don't look good and for laughing and playing with me. I love you all.

I have posted all the photos on Facebook and tagged them all. Sorry to those I don't recognise. It was a really painstaking job... Well, I think I'll go and play games then.

Teared On|6:56 AM|

Thursday, April 1, 2010

\\*Living for others...*//

"Never live someone else's life"

Heard of this quote before? I considered it seriously and decided that this is really affecting me. I mean the part about living others' lives for them. That's the primary reason of me having to stay up well past the devil's hour every night. What exactly am I doing to myself? Torturing. It's that simple. In a bid to satisfy social relations around me, which I suck at, I compromise my own life. I'm kind of a 'Yes Man'. I can't bring my dumb self to say no. What is typical of a day in my life is this:

"Wake up! It's 7 plus already!"

This line is for all the mundane tasks you carry out in the morning.

Press lift button.

Curse lift.

Enter lift.

Lift stops at every damn storey.

Curse lift again.

Run as though a lion's chasing to school.

Make it just in time.

Kena scolding.

This line is for all the monotonous stuff they do during assembly.

Go back to class.

Sit down at table.

Put head down......

"Ying Hui!"

Raise head.

"Huh?"

"Do you know how to do (blah blah blah)......"

"Oh, erm, (blah blah blah)..."

Before being able to react,

"Ying Hui!"

"Yes?"

"How to do this ah?"

Before there is time to answer,

"Ying Hui!"

And it goes on and on like this for the whole day including lesson time. The only free time I have is during recess where I have to catch up on the previous lessons, during which I was teaching some people to do stuff. Pointless to live? I agree. Where is my right to pay attention during lessons or steal a nap? My every movement is being tracked by prying eyes. The moment I retract my pen, the questions start bursting in, or worse still, while I'm doing my work, people from NSEW call my damn name.

I'm not shooting at any particular person, but please, I appeal to everyone, I have a life. It doesn't mean that with my results, the only thing on my mind is studying. Does anybody know how I long to live a normal life? Everybody assumes that I study all day. I unknowingly threw myself into the limelight and so many people flock to me just to check if they have the so-called 'model answers'. It is getting on my nerves. I'll be truthful now. None of you understands this. I can't be helping you guys all day and neglecting my own work, my own life, such that I have to stay up horribly late every night even when I have band practises. All you say is "you look tired". But can you experience how I feel everyday like this? And when I mean stay up late, I don't mean to relax or something. I mean doing my normal day's work until god knows what time. Just because I have to help you guys to achieve your results even by sms around 10-11 plus. Should I create a hotline number for you guys to call? Please, I'm begging of you people, let me live normally. I can't help but accept the fact that I'm famous, popular, but I don't want this to turn my life upside down. One day I might just end up lying in Woodbridge.

I AM A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WITH THE SAME EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL THRESHOLD AS YOU DO. SO PLEASE TREAT ME LIKE ONE. If you can't get your turn to ask me questions, please ask the teacher. The teacher has the most accurate results. I make lots of mistakes. I fail tests. I'm NOT a genius. Please stop calling me as if I'm a mechanical being. I'm NOT a robot. I only have one brain, so I can only process one kind of information at a time. If you are impatient, then I'll be impatient too. What goes around comes around. For your information, the Allspark on my pencil case is an imaginary being made up to fascinate somebody only. I DO NOT have a real Allspark like in Transformers.

To all the people who say that I'm weird and strange and all that sort of bullshit, thanks. It's your mouth and it's up to you to say what you feel about me. Carry on saying that all I think of are books. Carry on saying that I'll marry a book in the future. I seriously don't care about all these childish remarks. I know that's not true. I have myself and my close friends to prove that point to you. I'm no different from anyone of you. It's just that you force me to the brink of insanity with all those incessant questions which I sometimes find irritating because of the simple fact that the answers can be found in the textbook or notes. Everyone is blessed with a brain, so send that nerve impulse to your hand and pick up that book. I can't be there for all of you anytime you need me. I need to study as much as you do, I need to relax, I need to spend time with my own family, I need to take my O levels. I'm warning you guys out there. Around the O level period, I'll never help to solve your most basic questions. I'll be at home, doing my own revision.

The first step to doing well is to buck up and not be lazy. Pick up your books and read. For god's sake. You have a brain. It's definitely functioning normally or you won't be here. Make good use of it and stop bothering me like nobody's business.

"Sometimes, you have no choice but to be selfish. It's for your own good." - Dad.

Teared On|10:03 AM|