~J'adore la Musique~

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

\\*Hell*//

The worst has yet to come. This is the week of Hell. Great. The concert is on the 5th December, this Saturday. I am suffering from fatigue. I can't sleep at night even though I'm really beat. That's not amazing news. I really don't want to fall sick at this point of time. After coming all this way, I've got to perform at the darn concert or all my efforts will go down the drain.


I went to Mac for lunch yesterday and it was really great. No, I don't mean the food which I have gotten sick of because of the Monopoly thing. I mean the conversations we had there and all the way back to school. I only had 3 packets of small fries and a nice cup of iced latte. Those are what I got from the Monopoly. Amazingly, after that, the bitter but nice latte couldn't keep me awake. I was exhausted to the bones already. Halfway through playing the last song, I was finished. I couldn't keep up anymore. My lips were sore with a stubborn ulcer that wouldn't go off and my hands just didn't want to hold the clarinet any longer. My left hand and left leg went numb and the whole room was swimming. The first thought I had was, "Am I going to faint? Does fainting feel like this?"

I would honestly say this. When I thought that, I felt a sudden rush of excitement because I have never fainted before. I just wanted to black out and leave reality behind. Too bad, my body was too strong. I managed to stand up and stumble all the way to the toilet at the 3rd floor. It felt so good to have warm water running down my almost-as-cold-as-dead hands. I felt slightly better as I stepped out of the washroom, but my legs were still wobbly and I had to breathe like a hamster.

Luckily I got much better soon enough and got home safely without collapsing on the road. I immediately reached for something to fill my stomach - Oreo. I only ate a piece of bread and some peanuts the day before so I was really glad when my dad took me and my sister out for dinner. The fried rice is really nice. Well, I'm still eating some of the leftovers as lunch today.

I didn't expect this much stress from a CCA before. It was usually studies that kept me up all night, worrying and pulling the ends out of my hair. Now, I think the whole band thing is keeping me awake till 3 in the morning. I don't worry about anything. I think it's just stupid, but I'm down with insomnia again. My pants have gone loose again, for goodness sake. I just gained back the exam weight. I really don't want to be skin and bones.

Teared On|9:34 PM|