~J'adore la Musique~

Friday, September 18, 2009

\\*Why?*//

Just how depressed can I get? I have a limit too. I’m totally like any other person on earth. I have feelings, emotions, thoughts and a heart. I feel so sad, so depressed whenever I see my family leaving every single weekend and I know I have chosen to stay here or maybe I haven’t but I really don’t want to be so alone. I am like majority of the people. I crave human contact. I may be anti-social, but I need people in my life too. People who care about me, people whom I can talk to without having to hide anything and at the same time trust him or her. I do not have that. Instead, my life is filled with all the “do your homework quickly” and “the best time to do your work is when the whole house is quiet” things. Let me ask you. Have you ever been left all by yourself (not exactly though) at home when your family goes to enjoy themselves and you are told to finish up your homework and live the weekend all alone? Have you had that experience? Some of you may have it, but you have fun, you have friends, you have the computer. I have them too, but the problem is, my friends all have their own “big” problems and they have so many more friends than I do. Next, I do not have fun. I study and sleep and wake up and study and listen to music, all devoid of human contact. The computer doesn’t give me much fun too. I sit here not knowing what to do most of the time. You want to know what I do when I’m alone? Well, let me enlighten you. I’m not joking. I brood over stuff. Lots of them. I become moody, depressed, tired, angry and all the negative emotions you can experience. I start talking to myself, singing, whistling, laughing, smiling, crying like a crazy woman. I am definitely not joking. You can see for yourself if you want to. So many people matter to me and they just treat me like an air molecule, breathing me in when they need me and exhaling me out if there isn’t a need for me. Nothing can make me happy, truly happy and I think I have already accepted that……

Teared On|7:05 AM|