~J'adore la Musique~

Saturday, September 19, 2009

\\*Munch, Crunch*//

Just finished my dinner. I went out at around 7.15pm to meet Ming Siew at the traffic light. We then went to complete some chores. We caught sight of yupi gummy in popular and that started our feeding frenzy. Thinking that value dollar might offer some cheaper alternative, we proceeded there. Nope, we didn't eat gummies for dinner. We saw some fish satay sticks. We went down later, through tom and stefanie and I saw the escalator going down. That's when I thought of Old Chang Kee. I randomly picked 4 items, feeling sure that I was going to eat more than I should today. Then the weirdest thing happened. The auntie who helped me pick the food started counting mentally. I was surprised and all I could do was stand there open mouthed and "huh". Then she said I could have a free curry puff because the total price was more than $5. Stolen joy. Ming Siew also bought some food and while paying, the auntie asked if we wanted to pay together because that would entitle us to another free puff. THAT got us laughing and we laughed and laughed and laughed at almost everything. When I got home, my cousin offered me a dumpling. A damn huge dumpling. I accepted it and guess what? I can't move now. Too full. Far too full. I haven't finished everything yet actually. Guess that's for breakfast. Well, gotta go now. I'm trying to be self-disciplined.

Teared On|6:51 AM|

Friday, September 18, 2009

\\*Why?*//

Just how depressed can I get? I have a limit too. I’m totally like any other person on earth. I have feelings, emotions, thoughts and a heart. I feel so sad, so depressed whenever I see my family leaving every single weekend and I know I have chosen to stay here or maybe I haven’t but I really don’t want to be so alone. I am like majority of the people. I crave human contact. I may be anti-social, but I need people in my life too. People who care about me, people whom I can talk to without having to hide anything and at the same time trust him or her. I do not have that. Instead, my life is filled with all the “do your homework quickly” and “the best time to do your work is when the whole house is quiet” things. Let me ask you. Have you ever been left all by yourself (not exactly though) at home when your family goes to enjoy themselves and you are told to finish up your homework and live the weekend all alone? Have you had that experience? Some of you may have it, but you have fun, you have friends, you have the computer. I have them too, but the problem is, my friends all have their own “big” problems and they have so many more friends than I do. Next, I do not have fun. I study and sleep and wake up and study and listen to music, all devoid of human contact. The computer doesn’t give me much fun too. I sit here not knowing what to do most of the time. You want to know what I do when I’m alone? Well, let me enlighten you. I’m not joking. I brood over stuff. Lots of them. I become moody, depressed, tired, angry and all the negative emotions you can experience. I start talking to myself, singing, whistling, laughing, smiling, crying like a crazy woman. I am definitely not joking. You can see for yourself if you want to. So many people matter to me and they just treat me like an air molecule, breathing me in when they need me and exhaling me out if there isn’t a need for me. Nothing can make me happy, truly happy and I think I have already accepted that……

Teared On|7:05 AM|

Friday, September 11, 2009

\\*Numb*//

Prolonged periods devoid of human contact can lead to craziness. There's a live example sitting here. I have become so numb I can barely feel anymore. Suddenly my emotions are all locked deep in my heart. It's not that I do not have feelings but that I'm so numb to all the things that happened in my life that they just refuse to show anymore. Time, to me, passes like a lightning bolt. Everything that happens has little effect on me. The most exposed and easily brought out of its hiding place is anger itself. I've become so irritated by the tiniest thing in this world recently and the worst thing is that I am having severe difficulties controlling it. It's horrible. I wasn't like this before. I can't help wondering what is happening to me. Just a few days ago, I went to KL with my family. We went to Genting Highlands after that. Sickeningly enough, the thrill rides were totally nothing to me at all. Other than that space shot thing. The roller coasters failed to induce fear in me and there was hardly any adrenaline rush running through my veins. Every drop was like a car driving down a slope. It all seemed so slow to me. All I felt was tiredness and headache. It's weird. Even the usual things that will trigger my adrenaline rush only makes my heart wiggle. It used to be huge jumps that got me crazy the whole day. What in the world has happened to me?

Teared On|11:17 PM|